life lately

Doing: Work, work, theatre, work, theatre, random solo outings around Portland, humoring the idea of my thesis, and crafts (sewing & weaving)

Listening to:  Banks, Lorde, this song, and an embarrassing amount of NPR (okay, I'm secretly very okay with this), rain outside right now (YAY!)

Daydreaming about:  London, the English countryside, my imaginary craft store + cafe, fall, home, cuddling Izzy, Christmas, London, Europe, traveling, Fall Break anniversary trip to Seattle

Eating:  Random thrown-together meals mostly involving pasta which I make myself feel better about by covering half of my plate with salad, a late night Cartopia run with unexpected screening of Pixar shorts, grocery sushi Tuesdays before yoga, delicious enchiladas made by my NE manager, surprise thank you macarons from my SW manager (aka I have the best managers), lots of turkey sandwiches, lovely Saturday morning brunch before work at Petite Provence, yep--this is the longest list

Watching:  The Mindy Project, two...interesting TBA Festival theatre performances for class, What If movie date with Ted, NEW GIRL IS FINALLY BACK

Reading:  Theatre theory essays, people's instagram posts

What I wish I was reading:  My new Thich Nhat Hanh and David Sedaris books, blogs

What I should be doing right now: Homework, bye

let the future unfold

Something weird is happening. 

I'm going into my final year of college tomorrow.

When I was a senior in high school, I wrote a post about "the whole awkward, heartbreaking, completely embarrassing business" of high school.  Now, nearly four years later, I am here to face my final year of school, probably ever (because lord knows my student loans don't need any more friends than they already have). 

And let me just say, it's not just high school that is awkward, heartbreaking, and embarrassing. In fact, the business of life is all of those things, and more. When I moved to Portland three years ago to start this adventure, I didn't know how it would unfold--how it would become a complicated, wrinkled, but ultimately beautiful mess of an experience.  I can say with all my guts that college has been the hardest stage of my young life.  I know that life just gets messier from here on out, but coming to terms with this fact--and my so-called "adulthood"--is tough.  College has brought me to my lowest and highest points.  Yet I'm equally grateful for both, because now I know myself more fully, and the person I wish to become.  Despite the unexpected wrinkles, I know that on this first day of September, I am closer to being that person than I have ever been before.  

I am so incredibly proud of myself for doing everything in my power to come to this point and as I start this last year of school, I want to hold onto this pride of being able to do what's best for me and actively pursue my goals.  College has been a growing experience for me, and I feel lucky everyday that I chose Portland as my damp, fertile ground to do so.  The growing pains hurt, the rain gets muddy, but the lush green always makes it worth it.