let the future unfold

Something weird is happening. 

I'm going into my final year of college tomorrow.

When I was a senior in high school, I wrote a post about "the whole awkward, heartbreaking, completely embarrassing business" of high school.  Now, nearly four years later, I am here to face my final year of school, probably ever (because lord knows my student loans don't need any more friends than they already have). 

And let me just say, it's not just high school that is awkward, heartbreaking, and embarrassing. In fact, the business of life is all of those things, and more. When I moved to Portland three years ago to start this adventure, I didn't know how it would unfold--how it would become a complicated, wrinkled, but ultimately beautiful mess of an experience.  I can say with all my guts that college has been the hardest stage of my young life.  I know that life just gets messier from here on out, but coming to terms with this fact--and my so-called "adulthood"--is tough.  College has brought me to my lowest and highest points.  Yet I'm equally grateful for both, because now I know myself more fully, and the person I wish to become.  Despite the unexpected wrinkles, I know that on this first day of September, I am closer to being that person than I have ever been before.  

I am so incredibly proud of myself for doing everything in my power to come to this point and as I start this last year of school, I want to hold onto this pride of being able to do what's best for me and actively pursue my goals.  College has been a growing experience for me, and I feel lucky everyday that I chose Portland as my damp, fertile ground to do so.  The growing pains hurt, the rain gets muddy, but the lush green always makes it worth it.