Showing posts with label college. Show all posts

scary stuff

Four weeks from today, it will be three days before my college graduation. It just set in this week, how scary this is. Sure, I've joked around about "Ahhhh the future, ahhhh college ending, ahhhh what is real life" but man, it's really happening.

A part of me will miss the community of college, the "we're all in this together, ew this paper sucks, gross we have a test, yay I got a A on my paper, wow my friends are talented actors, musicians, artists and I get to see them do stuff regularly for free!"

A part of me is ready to be out there, making stuff happen, learning how to do this life thing, making crafts for my apartment and planning my goals and pursuing them.

And then there is this dark, scary corner of me that fears that I will never accomplish these goals. A part of me is terrified that I'll get lazy, or busy, or distracted, or something and I'll never find the motivation to make my dreams a reality.

BUT. Just because I'm leaving college, and school as a institution, doesn't mean I'm "fully cooked" as they say. Okay, they don't actually say that. What I mean to say is that I have SO MUCH MORE GROWING TO DO. College certainly helped me in 942394823984 ways, but there are so many more things that I have ahead of me. So so soooooooo many more lessons to be learned and things to fail at and things to succeed at. What I'm saying is I think it'll be okay. I think.

study date

For my birthday weekend (yes, I get a whole week, dontcha worry about it), I asked Ted to accompany me on a small tour of the best coffee shops in Portland since my busy week ahead demanded that I do a hefty amount of work. We only hit three, but they were quite lovely. My favorite drink was the Tanglewood chai at Either/Or, and my favorite dog was at Extracto, but my favorite all around was Cathedral, which had the perfect study vibe, tasty pastries, and a pretty meadow outside for artsy iphone photos (Thanks, Ted). For our day-long coffee date, I chose my comfiest, cutest dress and paired it with my ripped tights, oxfords, and my newest favorite, my jean jacket. I excitedly added my new tri-colored stacked rings with my perfectly matching bunting necklace. Yay!

Strange to think that study dates will be a thing of the past soon (at least for me--Ted is going to be prepping for law school soon--eek). They will become planning and dreaming dates, where I scribble ideas for my dream business. I guess I can live with that.

Dress/Asos, Jean Jacket/Here We Go Again (my work!), Brooch/Vintage, Tights/Unknown, Oxfords/Buffalo Exchange, Necklace/Madewell, Stacked Rings/Kate Spade, Circle Ring/Edina Kiss

life lately

Wowza, life is comin' at me fast right now. My birthday is a week from tomorrow or something? The show I designed costumes for is opening a week from this Friday? I have my first real short story due and an exam for a class I've been neglecting in lieu of thesis work on the very same day? I have a big presentation on my thesis work two weeks from now? What? Really...what? How do I do? How do I do things? What is March? What? What is graduation? What is finding an apartment? What is this thing? This life thing? Someone please explain.

In all honesty though, how on earth did this happen? I was just applying for college five minutes ago. Sophomore year was two minutes ago. I made Exit the King jokes two seconds ago.

Working on an absurd play is obviously getting to me....

ANYWAY, I have a lot of things to look forward to in March like:

The satisfaction of surviving designing my first show.
My birthday.
The satisfaction of surviving surviving my first long research presentation and even if it sucked...
MY FRIENDS ARE VISITING ME THE WEEKEND AFTER MY BIRTHDAY. BEST PRESENT EVER.

This is officially the worst post I've ever written. I probably shouldn't post it, but it's a pretty accurate view of my mind right now, so I will share it with the world in all its confusing honesty.

what i'm doing right now

What I'm doing right now: Watching Girls, eating heart-shaped Reese's, and freaking out about this last-semester-of-school-ever thing.

Like, what? What even is this thing that is happening to me right now? After 17 years of being of school, it seems unfathomable to think I will be done with the whole thing in less than four months. Just like that.

Well, I mean, there are a few things to do before being done. A lot of things, actually. But four months? A relatively short amount of time.

The reality of everything is finally hitting me, and I don't think I have enough chocolate to sustain the anxiety that is brewing. Don't let me forget to hit up those after-Valentine's Day sales at the grocery store.

transition

I'm looking forward to the new year. It will be an opportunity to start fresh--that is something I always love, but this year… I need it. I'm in this weird transitional phase in my life where at the same time I'm as happy and confident as I have ever been, yet I have absolutely no idea what I want in life, much less what I want to wear. It seems trivial, but for someone who loves clothes/costume so much, it's quite a disorienting feeling not knowing what this new and improved Kaylie should wear. Have any of you experienced this phenomenon? I literally stand in front of my closet for minutes and minutes and then end up wearing one of the three outfits I feel comfortable in. This is not usual Kaylie behavior--I usually spend many minutes devising a fun, slightly weird, but coordinating outfit. Maybe it's because I spent five months with a limited wardrobe, but I am reaching for much simpler outfits these days (with some spunk--like the number above back in Greenwich, sigh).

A part of me feels sad, like I've lost something, but another part of me is like, Well, you didn't expect to dress the same way your entire life, did you? I've changed, for the better. Why shouldn't my taste? The best part of this is realizing how much I love some of the pieces I already own that I took for granted. Like that pink loose-knit sweater I got on sale at Target a couple of summers ago for a costume (aka it wasn't my "style")? I'm planning on wearing it tomorrow, for the 924278th time this fall. I just can't stop pairing it with my light blue short-sleeved button-up and black Kate Spade bow necklace, okay?! It makes me feel like a classy creative professional and I love it…Is that weird?

The clothes are just a small part of it. What do I want? Someone just tell me already. Thanks.

quote, unquote

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Something to keep in mind always. School is getting overwhelming, but I'm trying to enjoy it as much as possible because this may be my last year of school, ever. So I might as well embrace it, right? Even the essays I don't want to write, the readings I don't want to do, the nights I want to stay home but still go out, the mistakes I've made (like the fact that I leave work with a new article of clothing more often than I'd like to admit), the quirks of living and going to school with so many different kinds of people. I know I'll miss it all, so I must keep living, living, living, reading, writing, stressing, guessing, failing, flailing, succeeding, eating, studying, breathing, working, working, working even if it's hard.

photo taken in hallstatt, austria

life lately

Doing: Work, work, theatre, work, theatre, random solo outings around Portland, humoring the idea of my thesis, and crafts (sewing & weaving)

Listening to: Banks, Lorde, this song, and an embarrassing amount of NPR (okay, I'm secretly very okay with this), rain outside right now (YAY!)

Daydreaming about: London, the English countryside, my imaginary craft store + cafe, fall, home, cuddling Izzy, Christmas, London, Europe, traveling, Fall Break anniversary trip to Seattle

Eating: Random thrown-together meals mostly involving pasta which I make myself feel better about by covering half of my plate with salad, a late night Cartopia run with unexpected screening of Pixar shorts, grocery sushi Tuesdays before yoga, delicious enchiladas made by my NE manager, surprise thank you macarons from my SW manager (aka I have the best managers), lots of turkey sandwiches, lovely Saturday morning brunch before work at Petite Provence, yep--this is the longest list

Watching: The Mindy Project, two...interesting TBA Festival theatre performances for class, What If movie date with Ted, NEW GIRL IS FINALLY BACK

Reading: Theatre theory essays, people's instagram posts

What I wish I was reading: My new Thich Nhat Hanh and David Sedaris books, blogs

What I should be doing right now: Homework, bye

let the future unfold

Something weird is happening.

I'm going into my final year of college tomorrow.

When I was a senior in high school, I wrote a post about "the whole awkward, heartbreaking, completely embarrassing business" of high school. Now, nearly four years later, I am here to face my final year of school, probably ever (because lord knows my student loans don't need any more friends than they already have).

And let me just say, it's not just high school that is awkward, heartbreaking, and embarrassing. In fact, the business of life is all of those things, and more. When I moved to Portland three years ago to start this adventure, I didn't know how it would unfold--how it would become a complicated, wrinkled, but ultimately beautiful mess of an experience. I can say with all my guts that college has been the hardest stage of my young life. I know that life just gets messier from here on out, but coming to terms with this fact--and my so-called "adulthood"--is tough. College has brought me to my lowest and highest points. Yet I'm equally grateful for both, because now I know myself more fully, and the person I wish to become. Despite the unexpected wrinkles, I know that on this first day of September, I am closer to being that person than I have ever been before.

I am so incredibly proud of myself for doing everything in my power to come to this point and as I start this last year of school, I want to hold onto this pride of being able to do what's best for me and actively pursue my goals. College has been a growing experience for me, and I feel lucky everyday that I chose Portland as my damp, fertile ground to do so. The growing pains hurt, the rain gets muddy, but the lush green always makes it worth it.

today i am thankful for...calm nights

This semester. It's been a lot. Tonight is a welcome change of pace from the go, go, go--I just got home from yoga, and now I am doing laundry, watching embarrassing TV online, and doing some research about possible thesis options. Yep, that's a thing. Since I'm going to be abroad in the Spring, and my advisor is going to be gone next Fall, we have to talk about it this Friday. THIS FRIDAY. I don't have to make any crazy decisions yet, but the fact that I am even thinking about my senior thesis right now is a little insane. But for now, I am enjoying my embarrassing TV and laundry. Later tonight when Ted gets home from the library, we are going to Bannings with friends, then ending the night with New Girl. I even get to sleep in tomorrow since my Biology professor is doing field work in Jamaica. Life is good.

because it's monday and i'm already burnt out

Design projects are so vague. I am doing a thematic collage for the play The Seagull (a really cheerful play, I might add) and finding images is really tough. One of my "themes" is "seeking success"... It's really hard to convey that abstractly. Really. Hard. I should just go the literal route and print out a giant picture of me at this very moment, in PJs, under a knit blanket, trying to put meaning into pictures of unfinished bridges, hands, and obstructed sky. Yep, this adorable dog came up when searching "obstruction" on Corbis.

The good news is... I finished my first short paper of the semester, I get to see Fiddler on the Roof tomorrow night against better judgement (I'm a theatre major, so it counts as homework, right?), and today I received an awesomely festive Fall package in the mail from Amy.

The bad news is... thematic collages are hard, I still have a play to read for tomorrow, and a drawing I haven't started due on Wednesday. SO MUCH TO DO. But at least How I Met Your Mother came back tonight (!!!!).

back to school bucket list revisited

At the beginning of sophomore year, I made a "back to school bucket list." Let's see how well I did...

Make more friends. I'd say yes, I did. Mostly I realized that the friends are there for me to have, but I am introverted and it's hard for me to put myself in situations where these friendships tend to thrive (like a party), so it feels like I don't. There are a few people I am really excited to get to know better, and I am obviously stoked to bond with my London trip. Progress!
Bake more treats (this will probably help with the friend-making). I'd say I made a fair amount of treats!
Force my friends to have holiday parties with me (even if it's just me feeding them baked treats in my decorated room). YES. Claire and I had a lovely Valentine's Day get together. Now that I will be living in a house, the holiday parties will be essential this fall. I can't wait to decorate the house!
Save money & budget. Doin' alright.
Go on fun & cheap dates with Ted. We definitely cut back this year, but still had a ton of fun. Lots of awesomely free musicals and theatre.
Have more girls nights. I still need to initiate more of these, but I had my moments--like when Claire and I watched 500 Days of Summer and ate a whole frozen pizza from Maggie's or when I had the room to myself and watched The Devil Wears Prada and painted my nails. A girl needs nights like these in the midst of stressful schoolwork!
Write for the school newspaper. I didn't do this, although I did join the Literary Review.
Get more involved. I'm definitely getting more and more involved in the theatre department--I designed for a dance piece in the fall, and a senior thesis show in the spring.
Speak up more in classes. It's a struggle, man. I'm working on it.
Eat healthier so I have more energy. I got myself to like salads! I consider this a personal victory.
Go hiking and enjoy the beautiful nature around me. I didn't much, but it happened!
Go on an outdoors trip. I did! It was great!
Exercise. (You guys, I have never set foot into a gym... Embarrassing.) I went to yoga for two hours once a week. I am still trying to develop a personal routine.
Write more. Somewhat.
Sketch more. YES--I was in Drawing I this spring. My favorite was figure drawing, which thrilled me because that's what I came to improve! I am super stoked for Drawing II, which is focused on the figure. I do need to get into a habit of practicing, practicing, practicing!
Be more confident in my work. Getting closer.
Call my family and friends more (not that I didn't last year, but you can never have too much love in your life). I'd say I am pretty good at this.
Become more direction-savvy. Please. I try really hard, guys. And the past couple of weeks I have even started driving in Portland for the very first time! It's basically everything that stresses me out about driving--pedestrians, rain, hills. Woo hoo!

Half way done with undergrad. What a crazy thing.

roommate staycation

Claire and I were fortunate enough to be able to stay in Ted's room for a few days after we had to move out of our room (which was AWESOME because moving out was a mess and it would have been a shame to have to say goodbye during such a stressful time). I dubbed this our "roommate staycation" because we were roommates in a different room across campus. We had fun lounging around watching movies and embarrassing TV online, grocery shopping, making food, and soaking up our last few days as roommates. I'm sure going to miss this lady, but I know that we will both have a blast studying abroad and will come back refreshed and full of new experiences to take on senior year. It's weird to think that I won't be seeing a lot of people until senior year, but I hope the circumstances help me branch out more and connect with the other people going on my London trip. I'm just happy that this year I was lucky enough to have such a great friend as a roommate!

dinner at hogwarts

Every year the theatre department has a senior dinner to honor the graduating seniors. This year, if you can believe my luck, was Harry Potter-themed. I was also fortunate enough to be a part of the planning. As a member of the food committee, I made some killer lemon bars (they were a hit!) and mini pumpkin pies. Of course there were also chocolate frogs, amongst other sweets. It was my idea to have a dessert trolley! Everyone loved that, especially when we got the theatre department secretary (an adorable old lady) to cart it onto the stage. Ted, being the sweetheart he is, also helped out with food and chopped 234302095 mushrooms and onions for the shepard pies. Just because! He couldn't resist being a part of the magic, I suppose.

Obviously, the "set" was pretty awesome. Everything was on the mainstage--there were the four house tables, a forbidden forest, a potions "dudgeon," a common room (my favorite), and other various props like broomsticks and mirrors. The mini stage for the skit and speakers was a quidditch field. Of course!

I was Professor Umbridge, marking the first time I've dressed up as a Harry Potter villan. It was pretty funny. I borrowed the hat, skirt, and jacket from the costume shop, but everything else was mine--including the schnauzer brooch (Umbridge was a cat lover, but I didn't want to spend money/search endlessly for a cat brooch)! I added pink tulle bows to my loafers. Ted was originally going to be a Gryffindor student, until I got the brilliant idea that he could go as schoolboy Hagrid. So he roughed his look up a bit and we found him a giant fluffy spider from a costume store to be Aragog. It was pretty adorable.

Another great thing: two of the professors (and one of the professor's husband) formed a band and played a set for us. One of the seniors (who I worked in the costume shop with) played a SAW for one of the songs. Classic Lewis & Clark moment right here.

The night was magical, and reminded me why I am a theatre major--we're creative, fun people that know how to throw a themed party. What's not to love?

roomie date

This Friday was a "reading day" so I finished up an essay, turned it in, and met Claire at the bus stop to go downtown. Studying is important, but so is getting in some one-on-one time with your roommate that you won't see for a year due to studying abroad different semesters (yeah, let's not talk about that). Yes, we do live together and see each other a ton, but that's different--getting out and having an adventure in the sun is crucial.

We brought some light studying to do in Tea Chai Te, but mostly we chatted and explored NW 23rd. It was warm and sunny (THANK YOU PORTLAND), so bubble tea, ice cream, and burgers were an obvious choice. We found fun vintage stuff to try on, bacon and macaron everything, and a DOG WALL--emphasis on the dog wall (we're kind of obsessed). So it was the loveliest of Spring days.

I am very thankful for a top notch roommate, warm sunny days, and the promise of summer! Also, burgers.

so this happened

life lately

It's been very pretty on campus lately--even lovelier than usual (and that's saying a lot since my college is consistently ranked as one of the most beautiful campuses). Spring is such a treat, especially in the northwest. Finally, all the rain seems worth it, as the flowers come to life. This week has started out very hopefully--sun all day! If only it could be this wonderful without the 24/7 rain the majority of the time. It's a trade off, I suppose.

Other things:

♥ My team (me and two of my coworkers from the costume shop) won second place at my school's "Historical Project Runway." It was a blast! They made it as much like the real show as they could (with obvious amendments, like only being given 15 safety pins, a pair of scissors, and some tape), with hilariously spot-on comments from the judges and "Tim Gunn"... We chose the Industrial Revolution for our inspiration. The skirt was made with a yellow table cloth, water, coffee, sugar, and dirt. The two "surprise challenge" items that I grabbed from the pile: a lampshade (used as a petticoat) and a swatch of fabric (used as waistband). We "thoughtfully" used the accessory wall by adding the brown belt. It was pretty great.

♥ This week is my last full week of school before finals fun. Almost two years of college down, two to go. And 1/4 of that will be spent in London!

♥ Yesterday was Izzy's 5th birthday. My mom and sister sang to her and sent me a video, and later we Facetimed. What a dog! She is too cute for words.

♥ My cute little sister made this of me on an app.

♥ This week is tech and dress rehearsal for the senior thesis show I helped costume.

♥ I wore these adorable tights from my mom for the first time today!

Happy Earth Day! Hope your week is lovely.

winning london

Yesterday I found out that I was accepted to the Spring 2014 London Arts program!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been waiting for months to find out, and finally read the decision email on my plane after I landed in Portland (I went home for spring break). The email stayed blank for what seemed like an entire minute as it loaded. My heart pounded, my eyes teared up and I stared super intensely at my phone that I was holding in my hands like it held the secrets of the universe (I bet the mom and her teenage son to my right thought I was going insane). Once it loaded and I processed the information, I felt such a relief wash over me (and fought the urge to tell everyone sitting near me who were impatiently waiting to get the okay to get their carry ons down). The London program is one of the most competitive study abroad programs offered at my school, so it was an intimidating and stressful application process. It was worse than applying to colleges. Really. So it is such a honor that I am one of the 28 people selected. And guess who else is one of those people?

TED! I get to have my adorable bearded boyfriend there with me the whole time. THIS IS REAL LIFE, YOU GUYS. WE ARE GOING TO LONDON. AND WE ARE GOING TO STUDY THEATRE, ART, AND MUSIC AND TRAVEL TO LOTS OF PLACES IN EUROPE AND MY FAMILY IS GOING TO VISIT ME AND I AM GOING TO FINALLY ENROLL AT HOGWARTS.

So yeah, it's pretty cool I guess.

finding my inde-pendants

I moved to Portland for many reasons: to explore a new city, to be around like-minded folks, and to be independent.

When you get a boyfriend a month into your freshman year, that last reason takes on new meaning. Sure, we explore the city almost every weekend, and we have a blast. But that's just it--we. The rare few times I have gone into the city on my own, I end up meeting up with Ted after a couple hours. I love Ted, and I love that we get out so much together to experience Portland. Just last night we saw War Horse (INCREDIBLE) at the Keller for free thanks to school connections--the second time we've been there in the last few days (Swan Lake on Friday). We get to do a lot, and I feel very lucky to have found a guy that loves to do the same things.

This school year I have been working on reclaiming that last reason for moving away from everything I know. I've been looking for the independence I had hoped to embrace in coming here. It hasn't been easy. Don't get me wrong, I'm a pro at being on my own--I am a homebody through and through, and love a quiet night in drinking tea and working on a project. But even when I'm at home in Phoenix, I don't really go out on my own much unless I have to run an errand, go to an appointment, or have plans with someone. When I have free time to myself, I usually opt to stay in and craft, hang out with my family and dog, or have a friend over. I never think to myself, "I should go get lunch and go window shopping today--on my own!" I think part of this is to save money, but mostly it's because I just never thought about it as necessary since I already spend a considerable amount of time on my own crafting and whatnot.

It's necessary. For the kind of person I am, at least.

This past Sunday I went into the city truly on my own for the first time. I didn't meet up with Ted, or anyone else. I went downtown on the school shuttle, took a bus to Northeast (the part of Portland I know least about), and spent the afternoon exploring the Alberta neighborhood, looking at shops, doing some homework with a iced chai at Barista, and taking a two-hour jewelry class at Collage where I made two pendants. It was an absolutely delightful day, and such a refreshing experience for me. As silly as it may sound, I am so proud of myself for doing this because one, I'm horrid with directions and got there without a hitch, and two, I really needed a "Kaylie" day to remind myself how important it is to my happiness to go out and do my own thing once in a while.

Independence and two pendants--what could be better?

hearts day sweets & crafts

This past Saturday night my roommate and I had a Valentine's Day get together with some friends. It was a great turnout, and I was surprised how easy it was to get people to make valentines with me! I really should just follow my mom's footsteps and become a kindergarten teacher, because it made me so happy to get my guy friends to make Valentines for their moms...

The benefit of using heart-shaped measuring cups.

I made brownies (with the heart-shaped tins I got last year from my grandparents) and Claire made chocolate chip cookies, courtesy of the Baked book I got Ted our first Christmas together.

YAY!!!!

iheart crafting

In love with this dish cloth that I stole from home! Gotta show my AZ pride.

Some lovely lotion my grandparents gave me a while ago, an altoid tin shadow box of my two homes (whose birthdays are on Valentine's day!) made by Erin, and...