scary stuff

found

Four weeks from today, it will be three days before my college graduation.  It just set in this week, how scary this is.  Sure, I've joked around about "Ahhhh the future, ahhhh college ending, ahhhh what is real life" but man, it's really happening.  

A part of me will miss the community of college, the "we're all in this together, ew this paper sucks, gross we have a test, yay I got a A on my paper, wow my friends are talented actors, musicians, artists and I get to see them do stuff regularly for free!"

A part of me is ready to be out there, making stuff happen, learning how to do this life thing, making crafts for my apartment and planning my goals and pursuing them.

And then there is this dark, scary corner of me that fears that I will never accomplish these goals.  A part of me is terrified that I'll get lazy, or busy, or distracted, or something and I'll never find the motivation to make my dreams a reality.

BUT.  Just because I'm leaving college, and school as a institution, doesn't mean I'm "fully cooked" as they say.  Okay, they don't actually say that.  What I mean to say is that I have SO MUCH MORE GROWING TO DO.  College certainly helped me in 942394823984 ways, but there are so many more things that I have ahead of me.  So so soooooooo many more lessons to be learned and things to fail at and things to succeed at.  What I'm saying is I think it'll be okay.  I think.