Last Saturday, I got a knit lion hat. It.is.awesome. Not only is it super cozy and lined with flannel, it also makes me feel happy and reminds me of
Luna Lovegood.
The other day as I walked to first hour, my friend
Erin commented on my hat. I explained the method to my madness: a sequin skirt can't be too fancy when you have a lion on your head. Plus, a lion on your head isn't so crazy if the rest of your look is put together. (You should try it.)
Despite my consistency of red, pink, and hearts the days prior, I still considered the look Valentine's-esque because I was wearing a heart necklace and sequins.
Without really thinking, I said, "This is my 'this is why I'm single' look." When I said it, I realized how true it was.
Because let's be honest. I'm not your typical high school girl. Sometimes this is frustrating (cue the "I just want to fit in" chorus with verses "I look twelve," "I'm awkward and confusing," and "I don't know how to act my age"). But most of the time it's awesome.
It's taken me a long time to realize that a lot of people my age (especially boys) don't share my mind set. I don't blame them at all; I often find myself thinking the same "teenager-y" thoughts. Yet there is something inside my head that recognizes these thoughts as teenager-y and rejects them. And when I do accept them, I go into
Carrie Bradshaw mode and try to analyze why I listened to them by writing about it.
Let's be clear: I don't think I'm any better than most of my peers; I just know that I'm different. I basically grew up around adults so I've had to learn how to interact with kids my own age--and still am learning, to be honest. I love that I gained an innate maturity from that experience, but it has also harbored a lot of insecurity when it comes to being around people my age, because I don't feel like I really fit in or connect with them completely. It's something I've always had to work on, and this year I have tried harder to act my own age. That sounds weird, but believe me, it's not.
If you took track of my weekends, you'd think I was a thirty year old woman because I tend to lean towards spending my nights baking or watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix over going to hang out with a ton of people. However, I have learned this year to accept those offers because avoiding situations like these only make me more distant from my peers. Which is good because I've also learned that acting my own age can be a whole lot of fun.
This post got a little off track (I meant to write about how quirky and weird I am and how boys don't understand how awesome this makes me), but I feel good about what I ended up writing about because it helped me make sense of some things, so life is good.
