in which kaylie watches too much new girl and her life becomes a sitcom

When it comes to small frustrations and inconveniences, sure, sometimes I get really upset, but most of the time, I think Well, this is kind of the worst, and super embarrassing, but it might as well be on one of the sitcoms I so lovingly binge-watch on Netflix.  Ted's and my relationship usually falls into this category--like that one time we took at least half an hour finding a parking spot at the Grand Canyon, and just as much time trying to find it when it was time to leave.  Yes, frustrating.  But c'mon, also hilarious.

1)  Since I can't eat Little Big Burger for every meal (unfair, I know), I had to go grocery shopping Monday afternoon.  I was lacking patience because I hadn't eaten a full meal since the night before, so I got into Ted's car READY for some groceries.  I started the car and tried pulling out and nothing happened.  The parking brake was on, and being from mostly flat desert, I have very little experience with park brakes.  After panicking for about five minutes over not being able to get it off while two strangers picked blackberries in our driveway probably thinking I was secretly a grumpy old man waiting for them to leave, it easily snapped down.  Cue the laughing track--I know, you're laughing at me, not with me, on this one.

2)  While making dinner that night, I realized that I needed a can opener.  Everything else had been chopped up and the last thing I needed to do was prepare the chickpeas.  I couldn't find an opener anywhere.  I called Ted and texted my housemates to ask if we had one.  Finally, out of desperation, I found a swiss army knife on the kitchen table and slowly started using it.  I was about a third of the way around the can when I got a text about the opener's whereabouts.  Sure enough, it was hiding in the corner of one of our drawers.

3)  After spending time at my internship yesterday, I went home and decided to unpack some small things into Ted's room (he's home in CA) so it felt a bit more Kaylie.  I thought, I should put the record player on while I unpack!  But it was acting strange, and no sound was coming out.  So I wriggled the needle around like I had in the past, but this time it snapped.  Good thing it's replaceable.

4)  Last night on my way to Fred Meyer's (my #1 hang out, apparently) I dropped something off at someone's house.  After she answered the door, I made small talk and mid-sentence had the overwhelming sensation that some cilantro from my dinner might have lodged into my teeth, so I awkwardly started to talk with my mouth closed as much as possible.  As I walked away, I checked.  It turned out to be onion, but the damage was already done.  I'm awkward.

5)  Walking into Freddy's, I smiled at a mom who had an adorable daughter in Pooh Bear overalls (my childhood in a nutshell) and she sighs and says "Jesus Christ..." under her breath.  I'm hoping I had nothing to do with her distraught...

Perhaps she foresaw what was going to happen next and pitied me.  I had gone for the sole purpose to purchase something personal (ya know, girl stuff), and it didn't phase me at all that I might run into someone embarrassing, because I thought, "Who am I going to run into?  My crush?!"  Just as I laughed at the thought, I saw one of my housemates walking towards me.  Of course.  Although it wouldn't have been the end of the world if I had bumped into him, it certainly wasn't my first choice, so I scurried to the self check out.

The good thing is that despite my sometimes awkward and embarrassing existence as an "adult" (emphasis on the quotes), days like today remind me that I'm at least a somewhat fully functioning human being.  Sure, I slept in, but... I got up, got dressed, picked some blackberries outside, made myself brunch, cleaned the kitchen and tile (while watching Doctor Who, obviously), did some yoga and stretching, ordered most of my school books, watched Ruby Sparks, made myself a dinner that included a large salad (I'm trying really hard, guys), taught myself a new hairstyle, made the sound decision to not cut my hair into bangs, took a shower, and now I'm sitting here writing this.  Life is awkward and embarrassing, but good.


Natalie said...

I love it when life feels like a sitcom. I think it's great when you can take little bits of your day and find entertainment in them. These all sound like things that I would do so I empathize. I certainly HOPE the mother didn't aim that remark at you unless she was like "I have had it up to HERE with people enjoying my child's overalls" in which case... no.

Keri said...

I love you. You should have a reality show! xoxo

Natalie said...

makes for some great stories though!

lina said...

i love this post! made me smile : ) can't wait for the next new girl season! miguel & i always watch it together.