being scared is a good thing

I want to be good for something.  Don't we all?  I know, I know, it's enough just to love and be loved.  I realize that.  But as a creative person, I feel this deep desire to be good for something more.  I'm realizing that the possibilities are endless when it comes to leading a creative life these days.  It seems like every other second someone is deciding to sell their cute hand-lettered stationary or retro-inspired tea towels...or whatever!  You get my idea.  The accessibility is overwhelming, and I know I have some of the tools to put this sort of work out there into the world.  But then, why don't I?  I've been trying to convince myself.  Kaylie.  You're a creative, poor college student.  Get your ass to your sewing machine and make some damn tea towels with quirky embroidery.  Do something.

And I say No. It's not a hard answer to deliver--I feel repulsed by the very idea of putting something like that out into the world.  It was just now that I realized why. It's not because I'm scared of "putting myself out there" or "I'm not good enough."  Making a collection of tea towels or stationary or whatever does not inspire me.  I love tea towels as much if not more than the average twenty-something blogger, but I don't have a burning passion to make them for others.  Simple as that.

Which leads me to my point. If you're not scared, it's probably because you're not challenging your best creative self.  If your gut doesn't say, "Wait, wait, wait, hold on, I don't know about this, this is too scary" then it's probably because you're taking the easy way out. We spoke in my thesis class last week about "stakes" and how they are important to making good art.  I guess I agree with that.  Making something good is scary and hard and it's not easy and formulaic.

What exactly am I trying to say right now?  You tell me, because frankly, I'm getting lost too.  But my point is that I'm going to start paying attention to the things that scare me, because those are the things that obviously mean a lot to me and that I should be paying closer attention to and chasing after, as terrifying as that may seem.

1 comment:

beenotafraid said...

"Get your ass to your sewing machine and make some damn tea towels." Amazing.

I really, really like this post because I've been going through a similar Scary Things Are Important realization. You articulated the confusion well :D